Revamping and Broken Relationships

The other day I spent some time looking back over my blog. What fun I had with this thing! I started blogging because my friends Charmaine, Sherry, and Laurie were doing it and it was a good way to keep up with them. I can't believe how much my life and my relationships have changed since my maiden entry. I look back over the blog and my life (at least the past two years) is branded here, even in the parts you can't see because I've deleted them. There are long spaces of time I went without blogging because what I was going through at the time was just too painful and if I can't be real, I'd rather not have a voice at all.

I've been trying to put into words how it feels to be married, then not married, then married again...I feel like over the past 3 and 1/2 years, I have had to learn to be three different people. I've led three different lives in such a short period of time. The core of who I am is the same, but I'm different. The way people relate to me is different. The way I relate to others is different. The thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis are different. It's just weird. I would love to come up with a more eloquent way of saying what I'm feeling...but for now "It's just weird." will have to do. I get these profound thoughts on the matter and they escape me before I have a chance to spell it out. I'm sure one day I'll read a book and say, "Yep, that's how I felt."

Note to self: Remember that the word "weird" is one of those words that defies the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule...stop spelling it incorrectly.

Anyway, in the revamping, once again of my life, I have revamped this blog. Stickers is still here somewhere in this compilation of the person I now am, but there's someone new budding, too. Someone God is rebuilding, or renovating, or revamping...I'm not sure what he's doing. It hurts and feels good all at the same time. I just really want a journal. There are very few minutes of the day I have to sit and reflect on how I'm feeling or what the heck is going on, but I think it's important and I applaud others who can do it.

Note to self: Don't be afraid to be real. If there's a thought that's nagging you or reoccurring, even if it keeps escaping, take a minute and think it through and pray about it.

One thing that has changed are my friendships. I have three relationships with close friends that have taken a turn I never would have expected. When I have a burst of emotional upheaval in my soul, God reminds me that he is in control...He has a reason in all the changes I have gone through, in my person and my relationships with other people...One day we will all be able to look back and say "Ah ha. That's what he was doing." I've learned one if not many lessons...the greatest is learning how to love others even when your relationship with them isn't the way you want it to be...The second greatest is that I have to set back and let God do the work. Even though things don't seem right in my eyes, I have peace. It's the only thing that is keeping me from running head first into a let's fix this workshop.

Note to self: All things can be fixed, but sometimes you aren't gonna be the one who fixes them. Somethings need to be completely broken so that God can rebuild them the way he wants them to be. Somethings needed to be broken so that God can take you in a new direction.

smooch

On Finding and Using Your Voice:

But wait...it's not over.

I just recently read on several blogs that some have been appalled by "in-your-face" political view points. Some have been astounded at how anyone would boldly stand for what they believe. I think they are repulsed by the modern day soapbox renegade. Some say we should all quietly and gently go on about our business and our political views should be rationally and politely discussed.

If your political view point isn't one worth fighting about, then It's probably not much of a view point, at all, or you're just arrogantly sitting back because the numbers are stacked in your favor, so why fight? I have been criticized for delivering strong opinions on this blog, by people who were very near to my heart. I believe what I believe because it is ingrained in my heart and I live that out in my words and actions. If I offend, I offend, for I, too, have been offended and am still standing.

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I believe that your political and religious view points, if you have them, are at the core of who you are and you should fight for them when they are attacked. To put it into prospective...what if your husband or wife where being seduced away by another. Are you gonna be rational and polite? Or are you gonna fight for your marriage with every breathe you can until it's back on track or irreparably broken? Are you gonna say, "Oh well, we have free will. Whatever happens. happens. We can only pray for the best." Or are ya gonna get some "strategery" going and go after what you believe is an honorable cause at all costs. If you value the sanctity of marriage, you aren't gonna sit there timid and refrained and let that other person come right on in and sweep them away... So, the heck, what, if the adulterer is offended. Perhaps you might persuade them to come around to your way of thinking, Most likely you won't. But only a fool sits idle and lets their nation slip in a direction contrary to what is in their heart. On the day that happens folk, patriotism will breath it's last breathe.

I encourage you not to give up your voice because some may say it's offensive. If you don't have a voice, I encourage to find it. Know what it is you believe in and why. Measure it against God's word and be prepared to speak intelligently and passionately about it!

Well, it's time to put the soapbox away and find the soap...The girls are coming over tonight for crescents and m&m's! We are all, quiet frankly, burnt to the crisp on political matters and shall speak of the other loves of our souls, such as home school curriculum and hair color and boys. Have a great weekend. See you back here for Movie Quote Monday.

smooch

Well, That Was Random

When my kids grow up, we'll sit around and reminisce, and tell stories about how we would hide in my bedroom from the Jehovah Witnesses. Today they knocked on the door for five minutes (I'm not exaggerating!). I usually talk to them...They are always really friendly even though I'm not joining their compound...It's 11:30 am and I'm still in my jammies and it would be nice if they would call first...I know this doesn't resemble a knee, but it is. More importantly, it's my knee. This is the worst bruise I think I've ever had to endure. I got it falling of a teeter totter thingee at Southwest Park. It doesn't hurt. It's just ugly. Does that mean I have some weird disease in which one doesn't feel bruises?...

Here is an old picture of Molly walking through Hunter's Honey Farm with Wyatt Sell. I think this was two years ago. They were five. Monica Merritt got really jealous and walked up to Molly and said, "We need to talk." Isn't that cute and hilarious.

Oh, no... I think the Jehovah Witnesses are back...This is like a reverse fire drill...

Here is a picture of the first year we were in White River, taken at American Girl Club. Morgan, Calla, Allie, Carrie, and Grace. That was the most fun year! Every New Year's Eve I have a New Year's Prayer instead of a resolution. I have gotten a yes to my requests every year, except for 2006, when I prayed for a stronger marriage (giggle). The year this picture was taken I prayed for friends for Calla and me. We weren't grounded in a church anywhere and it was really hard not to have Christian fellowship. God was so faithful to us in the friends department. I wouldn't have gotten through 2006 without them...

Monday, Emily stopped by for a while to have tea (believe it or not). I made cancer s'mores (microwaved). This is the only picture I can find of Emily. I'll get one of her making coffee on Sunday. This was about a year ago. Who looks this good after delivering? This was my first encounter with Ian Scott. The last time I was at his house, he said my name...

Last night Molly helped me make my version of Olive Garden's sausage and peppers. I'll post the recipe tomorrow. The rest of the day holds more math lessons...coffee/devotion time by myself at Starbucks...dinner with my kids...

smooch

Boycott Krispy Kremes - Emily is HOT NOW!

This morning Em got up early to drive all the way across town to get her poor kiddos heart shaped Krispy Kremes. The sign said they would be there. She promised the kids and she strives to deliver. She went through the drive thru to get them and stopped to check to see if the order was right. (In case you don't know, that means she stopped to sneak one, shovel it in, brush the crumbs off, and lick her sticky fingers, AND THEN proceed home. But Wait! What is this? They weren't heart shaped. The drive through line was stinkin long, full of soon to be disappointed people who were there for their heart shaped donuts as well. She didn't want to wait in the line so she gets I.S.J. out of the car and goes in. Mind you, it was really early and she had thrown her hair up in a clip and was still wearing her jammies! She went in and stood patiently in THAT line and when it was her turn she politely told the lady that she didn't get heart shaped donuts. The stupid lady flipped around and snapped at my favorite barista. She said "We had someone quit this morning and we didn't have time to make them." But real mean like. Are you envisioning it? Can you believe anyone would snap at Em? I mean, next to Julia S, I don't really know a nicer person. So she picked up her donuts, walked out, put the donuts in the front seat, strapped in I.S.J., climbed in the driver's side, and broke down into tears. To top it all off, when Scott found out she was getting donuts, he told her about his plans to make her breakfast in bed, which didn't work out because she promised to get the kiddos those stupid donuts. I'm sorry to those of you who think the word "stupid" is a curse word. When Em first told me the story and how she wanted to call everyone and tell them to boycott KK my first response was "I love you but you've got to be kidding-It's KK your talking about" After some reflection I have seen the error of my ways and have hoisted my pickett sign on my shoulder.

Heck No!

Keep your Do!

nuts

Um Still working on the fierce protest chant!